Rosemary Raven Hearth

“Sex Cafe? What on earth is that?!”

Honestly, that is a fair question.

Before I tell you what Sex Cafe is, I need to tell you why it exists at all.

From a time even before our great-great-great grandparents, our culture has used sex as a tool to shame and control people. Sex has been the excuse to label someone “pure” or “dirty,” “respectable” or “used up,” “wife material” or “a problem.” That did not start with us. We inherited it.

We have been taught, quietly and consistently, that talking about sex is something “polite society” just does not do.

As children, most of us were cautioned away from anything sexual.
Some of us were scared into silence with horror stories: You’ll get pregnant, you’ll get diseases, you will ruin your life.
Some of us got it through religion: Good girls, good boys, good people do not do that. God is watching.
Some of us got the reputation talk: Be careful or people will think you are easy. They won’t respect you. No one will want you for anything serious.

Different delivery systems, same core message:

Sex is dangerous.
Desire is suspicious.
Your body is not really yours.

Even if you grew up in a more progressive or body-friendly home, you still had society all around you whispering the same thing:
Keep your voice down. Don’t be crass. Do not be that person.

We learn fast:

• You do not talk about real sex at family dinners.
• You don’t talk about pleasure in staff meetings.
• You do not admit to wanting “too much” without risking that reputation.
• And kink? It gets shoved into the emotional basement, super secret, encrypted, on a need-to-know basis only.

So we grow up.

We get older, but the rules don’t really change. They just get more subtle. We joke about sex, but we do not talk about the parts that actually matter: confusion, numbness, desire, pain, trauma, boredom, fantasies, limits. We swallow our questions because we don’t want to look naive or broken. We keep quiet about what hurts. We keep quiet about what we want more of. And we don’t mention the things we’re curious about.

We learn to treat sex like a test we are supposed to magically pass without ever being allowed to read the material.

That is the air we have been breathing for centuries.
No wonder so many of us feel like something is “off” and can’t name why.

Why Sex Cafe Exists

Sex Cafe was born out of sitting with that reality:
smart, kind, thoughtful adults carrying a lifetime of unasked questions and unspoken stories about their bodies and their sexuality.

People who say things like:

• “I feel broken, but I don’t know what normal is supposed to be.”
• “I never learned how to talk about what I want.”
• “I grew up sex positive, but I still feel weird talking about it out loud.”
• “I have fantasies I have never said out loud to anyone because I’m afraid of what it means about me.”

I do not believe those people are broken.
I believe they are doing the best they can inside a system that never wanted them fully embodied or fully free.

Sex Cafe exists to interrupt that system.

Not with more rules or another “how to be good in bed in 10 steps” checklist, but with something much more uncomfortable and powerful:

A room where we actually talk about sex out loud and together.

A room where we say the words out loud without whispering.
A room where we can admit we do not know.
A room where we can say “I like this” or “I hate this” or “I am scared of this” and we’re not treated like a joke or a problem.

Sex Cafe is about:

• Breaking the shame cycle that has been quietly handed down for generations.
• Reclaiming body autonomy as something sacred and non-negotiable, not rude or dangerous.
• Practicing conversation, clumsy, honest, real conversation, about sex in a room where everyone has chosen to be there.

This is not an academic panel.
It’s not a pornified performance.
It is not a church purity talk with softer lighting.

It is community.

So… Okay, But What Is Sex Cafe?

Think of Sex Cafe as a living room gathering for grown humans with bodies, desires, and questions.

We’ll gather in person, in a house in an actual neighborhood, on chairs and couches, not under fluorescent lights. Each time we meet, we’ll have a loose theme: desire, shame, communication, kink curiosity, body image, pleasure, numbness, whatever is alive in the room.

We will:

• Start with a short grounding so our bodies remember they are invited, not just our brains.
• Share a story or teaching that puts words to what many of us have quietly felt.
• Move into conversation, sometimes as one big circle, sometimes in pairs or small groups, sometimes through writing.
• Close with a check-out so nobody leaves feeling raw and dropped.

You will never be required to share anything you do not want to.
Listening quietly is participating.
Laughing is participating.
Crying is participating.
Asking one halting, shaky question is participating.

Sex Cafe is not about performing how “sex positive” you are. It is about letting your sexuality, your questions, your history, and your curiosity be seen and heard without being shamed.

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Join Us for the First Sex Cafe

Sex Cafe: Opening the Dialog
Friday, January 16, 6–8 pm
Pollinate Hive House
1011 64th Street, Windsor Heights, Iowa

Pollinate Hive House is an actual house in a neighborhood, not a strip mall or an office building. You can park on the street, come to the door, and step into a space that is meant to feel like a living room circle, not a conference room.

Sex is taboo, but we all need it. This first Sex Cafe is an open circle devoted to exploring our sexuality in community.

• Adults 18 and older
• All genders welcome
• All sexual identities welcome
• All relationship configurations welcome

The focus is education, awareness, and honest conversation. This is not a hookup channel. The circle will start promptly at 6:15 to respect the container we are creating together, so please plan to arrive a little early and settle in.

The event is free, with donations welcome. The circle is confidential, with no judgment and no expectation that you share anything you do not want to.

RSVP here:
👉 PollinateHiveHouse.com

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Sex Cafe is an invitation to sit together in the awkward, honest, human middle. To ask questions. To tell the truth. To remember that none of us were meant to figure this out alone.

This is about conversation, community, and the slow, stubborn work of reclaiming our right to be sex positive without apology.